Realizing to Realize

Well, today I made a decision not to go to TN this weekend. I decided that it would be best if I stayed, so that's what I have done, and while I stayed I thought I would update my myspace blog. This morning I was reading my Bible and after I had my worship I realized something. The words of Jesus, were actually spoken by Him! His disciples merely recorded what He said, and not to get into too big of a debate about whether text was inspired word for word or not, I want to say that it is really neat that we have God's Word in our hands! How awesome is that! We don't need to be discouraged, and if we do get discouraged the solution to that discouragement is not far away!

Today I am at work trying to work on selling scrapbook paper again, but I don't know if it will work or not, but I pray it does!:) That would be really cool. Well, that's about it:) TTYL :)

A new lesson I am starting to learn

Last night as I was driving home from prayer meeting, a thought occured to me. I had not forgiven a lot of people in my life. I knew I had said that I had forgiven them, but still forgiveness is a lot harder than most people would think. I find my words and actions getting ahead of my heart sometimes, and I don't think that is good, especially when inwardly I resent the person I am forgiving, which means, in a sense, that I haven't really forgiven them in the first place. I believe that forgiveness is a gift from God, and it does not come naturally to our sinful human hearts. Oh, I believe that a lot of times I would forgive people just so that I could go to heaven and be right with God, but the truth is that there is a deeper reason to forgive people. I think that we have missed the true point of forgiveness. I believe true forgiveness is a way of letting go of the pain and the hurt a person causes in heart, and is what Jesus is talking about when He says that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. Last night I went to sleep, and as I slept I had a dream. I saw my pastor talking about his fears and failures up front. He was being totally honest. Then the lights went out in the church, and he kept speaking. He said "I'm drowning, I can't breath, the water is covering me and I can't stay above, Lord please save me. Just then the whole church was filled with light, and I saw a man step out and pick up a cross. This cross was life size. My heart sank as I realized all the bitter feelings that I had been carrying and the anger in my heart, and I could only imagine what the rest of the audience thought in that church. Then the most amazing thing happened. As I sat on the pew in my church. This man picked up the cross, looked into my eyes with a look, that said "I'm going to give you the victory you don't deserve!" He then proceeded to pick up the cross with His big muscular arms, and threw it down in the middle of the platform where those who are having the sermons stand. Immediately a feeling of victory swept over the whole gathering. We were cheering and jumping up and down, and in our hearts we knew that the Lamb of God had conquered whatever problem we were facing. I was totally amazed at what I saw, though, I had failed... and yes I did fail big time! Jesus had won! Don't you see, friend, Jesus died on the cross and won the victory over sin, it is a defeated foe, and has no power in our lives, because Jesus beat it, and He shows us how we can beat it! That same method He used we are to use in our lives. We must always remember that when we end up on a cross in life, we are not being defeated, but being declared victorious, because of what Jesus has done for us! I think to be totally honest, letting go of the anger, on a continual basis is the cross that I have to bear, but Jesus showed that it is possible to do, and He promises to go with us all the way in bearing our crosses, whatever they may be. You see Jesus loves people continually, even though they are hurting Him, and we are indebted to Him, because He loves us even when we are messing up and hurting those around us, and ourselves. Jesus loves us still! Even while we were yet sinners, Jesus hung on that cross for us and was declared the victor for us! Don't loose hope, Jesus still loves us, we must continue in our faith and hold onto His hand!

Learning to Relax about things :)

I am starting to learn that all things do not always work out like I anticipate. That can be either for the good or bad. I guess that's the whole point of trusting God. He is God and can see the end from the beginning and we cannot. So, when He says I will never leave you nor forsake you, we can trust what He says:)

Taught Through Trials

Lately God has been teaching me a very important lesson. I am learning that no matter what the circumstances are that it is good to obey God. Sometimes they don't seem like they are the greatest, but if we will just trust Him things will improve. I also learned that one person's happy attitude can make all the difference. I guess I always thought that a person had to say something, but last night I learned that just being there and being upbeat can change a person who is not upbeat into someone who is. That's why it's always good to talk to Jesus, so that we become more and more like Him, and are happy:)

Dissapointed Hopes

It seems like life is really terrible for me right now. I guess when I really look at things they aren't the worst that they could be, but I still am in a state of uncertainty. Maybe that's you. Maybe it's not. All I know is that no matter what happens God is in control. Last night I had a dream that I was walking along, and then caught in a net and taken. The real fear that hit me hard was the fact that someday we will all have to appear before the judgement seat of God. We may be able to hide all the bad things that we have done from everyone else, but we cannot hide them from God. Which ties into the events that have happened to me in these last two days. The reality that we are walking on a thin sheet of ice over either eternal life or, eternal death is really something to contemplate. Most definately I want to have Jesus as Lord and Savior of my life. There is no time when it is more important to make that choice than right now friend. You see, right now may be all that you have, so please choose to let Jesus be Lord and Savior of your life, He promises that He will recieve you with open arms if you will just let Him into your heart. Lately God has been working with me on being honest with Him. He wants me to tell Him the truth about what has been going on in my life, and I believe that its the same way for you the reader. He wants to be apart of your life right now, but if you will not let Him, then you will miss out on all the great things that He has in store for you. Like Joshua, choose this day whom you will serve, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. I believe that it has never been more important, and as the time of the end escalates, I am faced with the ever increasing reality that someday soon, everything that we have on this earth is going to meet it's firey end. There are no exceptions, if we hold onto something that we think is "fun" that God does not want us to have, then we are keeping Him at a distance from us, and that is not what He wants. Many of us are so satisfied with the life that we live and are content and distracted by the things that present themselves to us. For example, I got caught playing computer games all night, and then the computer errored up, so I went to bed. God wants honesty, and He can't get it until we are honest with Him. When we are dishonest with God it causes confusion in our relationship with Him. In Isaiah 29:10-13 we read: "10 The LORD has brought over you a deep sleep:
He has sealed your eyes (the prophets
he has covered your heads (the seers).
For you this whole vision is nothing but words sealed in a scroll. And if you give the scroll to someone who can read, and say to him, "Read this, please," he will answer, "I can't; it is sealed." Or if you give the scroll to someone who cannot read, and say, "Read this, please," he will answer, "I don't know how to read." The Lord says:
"These people come near to me with their mouth
and honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
Their worship of me
is made up only of rules taught by men.



God wants us to be honest with Him, otherwise the Bible will be to us like a sealed book. We will never come to know the author and finisher of our faith until we are honest with Him about how we feel and our situation. This is how we connect with God, then we can be ready for His advice and instruction in the way that we should go. We need to be humble and teachable, and we all are capable of that, there is no excuse, it just may take some longer than others. I know this to be the case for myself especially, it takes me a long time to come to that place and a lot of discipline from the Lord, because I am a stubborn human, but please know that the Lord loves us, and that is why He disciplines us. In Hebrews 12 Paul Says:

"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

Prayer is not the "easy button"

Well Im truly exhausted right now. I just got done unloading a container and it was very hard work. I had two friends to help me so it was not as hard as it could have been. As I arrived at the place where we were supposed to unload the container my friends had already gotten a head start. Walking up to into the container I quickly joined in and began to pick up the heavy bales of clothing. Each bale was surrounded by a plastic wrapping and then banded together by a bailer. The cylindrical tumblers ranged in size from about 100 to 115 lbs. As we continued to unload the bales from off of the skid I began to get a little winded. The heat was not excruciating but the tight space and the closeness made things a little more than stuffy. Some bales were grabbed and stacked on the bottom of the container and the rest that were on the top took two people. As time went one, I began to get so tired that I decided to pray. I asked God for supernatural strength, but my friend suggested that I ask for supernatural endurance. So I asked for both, then my brother said that I should ask for supernatural wisdom in order to try and bring me back down to earth. I would have none of that and decided that I was going to watch God prove my brother wrong, but that is not what happened at all. At first I could feel a burst of energy and strength, but as time went on, my arms began to tire and then my energy dropped. By the time we got the container about completed, I found myself taking a small break to recover from the lack of energy I was experiencing. This is not supposed to happen! I thought. I was sure that when I asked God for something that He would give it to me, but that is not what ended up happening. Instead I found myself exhausted and barely able to finish. Sometimes its easy for me to wish for that easy button that you see on those tv commercials. I guess thats what I thought prayer was. A simple push of the prayer button andBlamo! The container is filled and the work is done, but that is not how things work. I dont use prayer to make life easy. I pray to be able to make it through life and to get to know Jesus as a friend. In John 16:33 Jesus says:

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Don't be afraid?

Ok,

so where do I begin, I really don't know where, except to say that right now my life is in mid air. I am working on growing and learning. Last Sabbath our pastor gave a sermon on how it is important to know Jesus and to rely only on Him. I believe that in this day in age when fear is raging that it is important to trust in the only one who holds tommorow, or so I thought. That's the crazy part about it! Sabbath I learned that I can still be jealous and selfish, and sunday I learned that I have problems with managing my time. These are things that I thought I had worked out... oh, and that fear of thunderstorms I have always had still is in my life. Last night was a perfect example of that. I went to bed and was awoken, by a huge clap of thunder. I got up to hear rain pelting the side of the window and leaking through our roof falling on the TV. In my mind I could remembered the words of the Pastor, that it is important to trust in God, but for some reason, I could seem to grasp on, and the storm seemed to get worse. Finally I found myself regressing back to an old pattern of behavior that I seem to have and hiding in the basement. While in the basement my eyes caught a book that was up on a top shelf with cob-webs on it. I opened it up and began to read. The book turned out to be a devotional, and had to do with fear. The devotional was by H.M.S. Richards and it talked about how, even when the sun is behind the clouds and life does not seem to be working out the greatest, we need to hold onto our faith in God. "Hold on!?" I thought "Hold on when life seems to be falling apart around me, when I don't know if I'll ever get back to college to continue my life, when I'm unsure if I'm even going to be in the Kingdom, when my mind is driving me crazy and I can't seem to make sense of my thoughts, when my rebelious heart keeps pulling me away from God, when I could die the next second. The devotional for the day ended with a talk about Martain Luther and his death. Martin Luther woke up terrified one night and was afraid that he was going to die, and went into a depression for a while. After a while, a friend came to see him and asked him if he still had faith in God. Martin gasped out a faint "Yes I do" and then fell asleep in Jesus. Faith was what got him through. Then the devotional ended, and fear still held on, but somehow a thought began to repeat in my mind, "I need to have faith in God even when things are not turning out the way that I want them to, even when it is unsure if I will go to college, even when my mind is driving me crazy and I can't seem to make sense of my thoughts, even when I am not sure if I will even be in the Kingdom of Heaven, even when I am afraid that I am going to die, I need to hold onto faith in God. Maybe it's the same way with you, maybe your life is uncertain and you aren't sure what's going to happen to you next. Please have faith in God, ask for faith, pray for it, the Lord will give it to you, He never turns down anyone who comes to Him. Don't worry about how bad your life may have been up to this point, have faith! Have FAITH when life is uncertain because God is not uncertain!!!!!!!! HAVE FAITH IN JESUS:)