A new lesson I am starting to learn

Last night as I was driving home from prayer meeting, a thought occured to me. I had not forgiven a lot of people in my life. I knew I had said that I had forgiven them, but still forgiveness is a lot harder than most people would think. I find my words and actions getting ahead of my heart sometimes, and I don't think that is good, especially when inwardly I resent the person I am forgiving, which means, in a sense, that I haven't really forgiven them in the first place. I believe that forgiveness is a gift from God, and it does not come naturally to our sinful human hearts. Oh, I believe that a lot of times I would forgive people just so that I could go to heaven and be right with God, but the truth is that there is a deeper reason to forgive people. I think that we have missed the true point of forgiveness. I believe true forgiveness is a way of letting go of the pain and the hurt a person causes in heart, and is what Jesus is talking about when He says that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. Last night I went to sleep, and as I slept I had a dream. I saw my pastor talking about his fears and failures up front. He was being totally honest. Then the lights went out in the church, and he kept speaking. He said "I'm drowning, I can't breath, the water is covering me and I can't stay above, Lord please save me. Just then the whole church was filled with light, and I saw a man step out and pick up a cross. This cross was life size. My heart sank as I realized all the bitter feelings that I had been carrying and the anger in my heart, and I could only imagine what the rest of the audience thought in that church. Then the most amazing thing happened. As I sat on the pew in my church. This man picked up the cross, looked into my eyes with a look, that said "I'm going to give you the victory you don't deserve!" He then proceeded to pick up the cross with His big muscular arms, and threw it down in the middle of the platform where those who are having the sermons stand. Immediately a feeling of victory swept over the whole gathering. We were cheering and jumping up and down, and in our hearts we knew that the Lamb of God had conquered whatever problem we were facing. I was totally amazed at what I saw, though, I had failed... and yes I did fail big time! Jesus had won! Don't you see, friend, Jesus died on the cross and won the victory over sin, it is a defeated foe, and has no power in our lives, because Jesus beat it, and He shows us how we can beat it! That same method He used we are to use in our lives. We must always remember that when we end up on a cross in life, we are not being defeated, but being declared victorious, because of what Jesus has done for us! I think to be totally honest, letting go of the anger, on a continual basis is the cross that I have to bear, but Jesus showed that it is possible to do, and He promises to go with us all the way in bearing our crosses, whatever they may be. You see Jesus loves people continually, even though they are hurting Him, and we are indebted to Him, because He loves us even when we are messing up and hurting those around us, and ourselves. Jesus loves us still! Even while we were yet sinners, Jesus hung on that cross for us and was declared the victor for us! Don't loose hope, Jesus still loves us, we must continue in our faith and hold onto His hand!